iAm A Crazy exGirlfriend
by SkyeNite
Summary: iCarly Songfic. Crazy Ex-Girlfriend by Miranda Lambert. First Carnor Carly/Connor fic! though its really more of an Ex-Carnor fic. Rated T to be safe.


**A/N: Woot woot! first Carnor fic (Carly/Carnor) well sorta. Technically its more of an ex-Carnor fic but what ever. I don't know why but when i heard this song it instantly made me think of Carly. You would think that i would think of Sam out of anyone because... well... she's already kind of crazy and vicious, in a lovable way of course. But nope, i thought of Carly. I guess its because she's always pretty calm, cool, and collected, even when Nevel is messing with her web-show, so I figure when she does lose her cool it would be in the worst way, and lets face it, a broken heart ALWAYS cause girls to lose their cool. So since the image of Carly flipping out came to my mind every time i listen to that song, I figured I'd do something i never thought i would do... write a song fic, with lyrics included. So tell me what you guys think. **

Crazy ex-Girlfriend- Miranda Lambert

At first glance Carly Shay seemed calm and collected slowly driving through the parking lot of a basement pool hall, one would think she was simply looking for a good place to park. Really, she was looking through the cars for a specific license plate.

_It took me five bars, some thirty license plates_

_I saw her mustang and my eyes filled up with rage_

And when she saw it, she decided to park her beat up pickup truck… on top that car. She got out of the truck unfazed by the crash and adjusted the straw cowboy hat she was wearing. No one else was in the parking lot and she could easily make out the music playing from the basement pool hall, so she was pretty certain no one had heard the crash. She looked back in the car at the glove box and remembered the chef's knife she hid there just in case she needed it to defend her self. Guns had always scared her, too many stories of them going off when they weren't supposed to. Besides with a knife you could hurt someone with out necessarily killing them, but she knew that if she grabbed that knife she would do more then just hurt her…

_I brought my pistol, but I ain't some kind of fool_

So she slammed the truck door shut and walked in the hall, hair and hat adjusted in away that would obscure most of her face.

_So I walked right in barehanded, she was on his arm while he was playin' poolJust like I used to do_

She saw Connor at the pool table just finishing his turn, and some tall blonde skunk-bag hanging on his arm. If Carly wasn't PO'd before, she sure as hell was now. She grabbed an empty bottle of root beer but restrained her self from throwing it at the skunk bag. Instead, she threw it in a trashcan using all her force causing the bottle to shatter. The noise caused the skunk-bag to turn towards Carly and she realized exactly who she was. Before Connor could turn around though the little Skunk bag grabbed his jaw and kissed him hard on the lips. Carly, saw it but was able to keep her cool after taking out a good amount off her anger on that poor bottle. So she just walked over to the bar and ordered a root beer.

_She kissed him while I got a beer, she didn't think I'd show up hereI'm a crazy ex-girlfriend_

She sat a bar stool and watched them for a while trying her best to remain calm. She was pretty sure she heard Connor call her Daisy. "Daisy? Seriously? What kind of name is that?" she said to herself. Daisy was wearing one of the most revealing tops she had ever seen on someone that wasn't on TV, and her shorts looked more like a pair of underwear. A smile drifted across Carly's face when she realized that Daisy would be well prepared if she made her cry, she obviously had plenty of tissue to spare in her bra. She was the type that tried way too hard to be sexy. She walked, bent over, moved, and motioned in ways that were obviously unnatural and purely done to seem sexy. And the way she looked at him…_I watched her for a while but I didn't like her walkCame across kinda cheap to me, but hey, how's that my fault_

She looked at him like she was a 5-cent hooker willing to lower the price even further for him. And the way she talked to him… She tried to find something sexual in everything he said. Carly struggled to not use some of the many un-lady-like words that her best friend Sam had taught her.

_She looked at my man like he didn't have on a stitch'_

Carly rolled her eyes when she heard her break out the oldest line in the book. She wanted Connor to teach her how to play pool. The Skunk-bag, who seemed as ditzy as her name implied, bent over with Connor hovering on top of her. His arms wrapped around her own so that he could teach her how to hit the ball correctly. Daisy hit the cue ball wrong causing it to fly off the table toward Carly, but Carly's anger gave her a huge adrenaline rush and her reflexes and strength seemed nearly super human when she reached out and caught the cue ball with one hand…

_Somebody tell that girl to step up to the plate, I'm gonna pitch_

And then, she threw it back… Hard.

_Little… _

_Those pretty girls can play their gameBut their damn well gonna know my nameI'm a crazy ex-girlfriend_

The good news, Daisy was able to dodge the ball. The bad news, that only made Carly more PO'd so she threw her root beer bottle as well as other people's bottles. The ugly news, some of those did hit her.

_Well I started throwin' things and I scared folks half to death_

With Daisy hiding behind the pool table, Carly got up and marched right over to her very recent ex. She grabbed him by the collar and he actually felt a shiver of fear run down his spine when he looked into her eyes. Her eyes had a kind of fire in them that he had never seen in anyone before and hoped to God he'd never see again. He could tell that she was mad, in the original sense of the word.

_I got up in his face and smelled whiskey on his breath_

Carly's screams were so hysterical that you could barely make out what she was saying, and the few phrases you could clearly hear were ones obviously taught to her by Sam. But in the middle of her rant, she felt someone tugging on her from behind. She turned to find two police officers dragging her off of Connor…

_Didn't give a second thought to being thrown in jailCause baby to hammer everything looks like a nail_

Without thinking she began to fight them off of her, but after a few minutes they were able to overpower her. As she was being dragged out of the pool hall she caught Daisy smirking at her…

_And I was mad as hell_

Carly lost it, if she hadn't already, and began yelling at her "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR SMIRKING AT YOU LITTLE SKUNK-BAG! BRING YOUR HELPING BRA BUTT OVER HERE AND I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO SMIRK AT! YOU JUST WAIT! YOU BETTER SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN! YOU HEAR ME! MY NAME IS CARLY SHAY AND I GUARANTEE I'LL BE THE LAST PERSON YOU SEE! YOU HEAR ME SKUNK-BAG! REMEMBER THAT NAME!!!

_Well those pretty girls their all the sameBut their damn well gonna know my name_

Carly's own smirk formed when she saw the look of shear terror in that girls eyes…

_I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend I'm a crazy Ex-Girlfriend_


End file.
